Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
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