I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
try to milk me bitch
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