i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
