just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
