Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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