So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
