Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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