Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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