I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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