But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
All I want is dick and wine.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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