she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
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