He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
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