omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
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I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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