bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
