TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
