just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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