I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
