the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
