dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
