I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
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I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I don't deserve a penis
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The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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