Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
