Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
