also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
