Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
whose parrot is this?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
