Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
