Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I need water and some morals
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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