Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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