Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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