On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
