He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
