I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize