i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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