god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
