i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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