Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
