If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
