Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
