Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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