4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
