..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
