after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
