I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize