my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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