i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
