Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
