this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
