Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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