Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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