So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
