he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Four minutes until I can fart!
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
