He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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