what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
