My hand turned me down
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
