hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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