Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize