so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Everything about him screamed your future.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
