Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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