the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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