actually, I'm a sock model
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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