my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
