I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize