It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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