I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
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I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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