hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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