Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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