shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
