still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
