who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Randomize
