C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
