don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
