dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
