Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
