yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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