someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
