Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
